Duck!

In GuardYourSpeak: Keep Your Lip Halakhically Zipped, we said that The Beis Din shel Maala….doesn’t give your sins the time of day UNLESS the Satan, in his role as the prosecuting attorney, brings an accusation against you, because without an accusation there can be no court case.  And Loshon Hora is the only thing that can point the Satan’s accusative finger in your direction.

Hashem, in classic mida keneged mida mode, gave the Satan the power to condemn you based on your condemnation of other Jews.

That’s already the good news, because if you thought to assuage either your conscience, your fear of punishment or both by comforting yourself with the thought that the itzy bitzy shtickel of Loshon Hora that you said over after davening would be pareve enough to qualify for the Shemiras HaLoshon version of White Collar criminal treatment, you thought wrong.

As we said in GuardYourSpeak: Don’t Even Think About It, in the introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim the Chofetz Chaim lists 17 Laveen (negative mitzvos) and 14 Aseen (positive mitzvos) that one might potentially violate by either speaking or believing loshon hora.  While most of these mitzvos are not about loshon hora per se in their essence, the Chofetz Chaim tells us that when ones crosses the line on loshon hora he may also be violating one or more of these Aseen or Laveen.

And if that doesn’t sufficiently lay a mine field through which those who are loose of tongue must thread their way, the Chofetz Chaim adds 3 Curses from the Torah.

You opened your mouth and let loose with a word or two that touched the third rail of Loshon Hora?

Even if what you said was only one tenth of a percent Loshon Hora of the most pareve variety you’re out of luck because when it comes to Loshon Hora, there ain’t no such thing as pareve.

In the Satan’s hands, the impact of he may also be violating one or more of these Aseen or Laveen in reference to that itzy bitzy shtickel of Loshon Hora that you said over after davening, coalesces into one heck of a serious indictment because it appears that the Holy Chofetz Chaim was actually understating the case when he wrote that he may also be violating one or more of these Aseen or Laveen.

The emes is that there's also no such thing as may also be violating, because the Satan doesn’t walk into court on the strength of maybes.

When you decided to create even the faintest of sound waves that tilted toward Loshon Hora you empowered the Satan to charge you with violating an absolute minimum of 6 out of the 17 Laveen and 5 of the 14 Aseen that the Chofetz Chaim listed in the introduction to his sefer.  And for good measure, you also brought two of the three curses down upon your head.

And that's just the Satan's default position.

A good lawyer would tell you to duck because they’re gonna throw the book at you.